Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
