they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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