You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize