Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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