The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
