i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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