I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
