fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
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When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
This is classic penis vs brain.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.