I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
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im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!