you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b