Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.