It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.