mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today