I'm going to jail i love you
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.