i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
