I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
