I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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