Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
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