is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
