I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
