don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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