You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
