Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we're making bets on your personal life
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
