he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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