Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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