New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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