Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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