is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I have vodka in my lungs
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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