i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
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You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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