I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
