Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
