how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
