She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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