Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Randomize
