i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
