Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
