community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
