Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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