All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
