she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's blow job season.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
