Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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