I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
