i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
