DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
