Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
