Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize