shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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