Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
