I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Found your dick twin last night
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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