I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
