Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
