guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
