it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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