I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
