My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
