I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
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Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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