i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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