Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Randomize
