Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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