I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
