i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You ruined the universe
Randomize
