hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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