This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
