i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
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