I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
