I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
