That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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