I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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